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Tag Archives: vanilla

I was logged in for 3 hours yesterday, and it was SLOW. I only had a little over 80 minutes of talk time. Got some weird calls, too.

First up, we have a super vanilla call. I can’t even remember the guy’s name. Basically we made small talk for several minutes, then he asked me how big my bed is. He wanted me to pretend he was in bed with me. He asked if I would like it if he kissed my forehead, my left cheek, my right cheek, the tip of my nose, my chin… then he wanted me to take off my shirt and shorts, and he kissed my toes and worked his way up. He jumped from inner thighs to belly button, then asked me if I wanted him to hold my hand or my breast. Which breast? (This guy was very into left and right haha) Anyway we kissed and stuff and made tender love and that was about it. Thank you, goodbye.

Then… I had a 10 minute call. We talked for maybe two minutes. He wanted me to make noise for him. So for the remainder of the call, I’m making stupid noises into the phone and wondering if I should ask if he’s still there, etc. Occasionally I can hear a small noise. Anyway, the call ends like this: *Stupid noises from me* — *Toilet flushing* — CLICK. That made me crack up laughing.

Then… I got a call from a guy named Thomas. He was ridiculous. He wanted me to deep throat my dildo. (I don’t have a dildo, I have a vibrator. If I want penetration, I find a man.) So anyway, I grab a dry erase marker off my computer desk, because he wants to hear it. I make a few sucking sounds, do a couple pretend gags, and talk with my mouth partially closed for that ‘mouthful of cock’ effect. He digs it, who knows why. Then he tells me to rape myself. How do you propose I do that? He wants me to shove my whole hand and arm into my vag. Riiiiiiiiiiiight. So, I do. And he says ‘Harder.’ Honestly, a large part of our phone call went down like this:

Me: Unh! *Also known as ‘stupid noise’*
Thomas: Harder.
Repeat. 20,000 times.

And he’d have me stop when he thought I was gonna come and I’d go back to dildo deep throating. And somewhere in all of this, he tells me to tell him I love him. I love you! “No, tell me you love me!” I love you Thomas! Repeat about 12 times. “Now say you’re a prostitute” I’m a prostitute! “Say it.” I’m a prostitute! “Again” I’m a prostitute! “Again” You get the idea. Then– “Say it five times.” So I do. “Five times again” and I do it again. Thomas is refreshingly silent. Then he asks if I enjoyed that, and promises to call me back.

I had two short and straight to the point calls. The first called and first thing he said was ‘Make some noises for me.’ So I obliged. After that was a guy who said “Tell me how you’d suck my cock” first thing. I give a few details, then it’s over.

Sunday, bloody Sunday. Arg.    

I really feel sorry for the ones who call me and just want to act out a typical scenario between a girlfriend and boyfriend. They must be so lonely! I’m always nice to them. It seems like the biggest losers are the ones who call me and want me to say both I love you, and something along the lies of me being a dirty slut or a prostitute. They’re all mumblers and mouth breathers.  

Anyway, we’ll see what happens when I log in later today! Until then enjoy.